HANDY TIPS FOR LIFE

Don`t try these at home....LOL

                  HANDY TIPS FOR LIFE

~ FINANCE TIP:  Save on electricity by turning off all the lights in     your house and walking around wearing a miner`s hat.

~ FINANCE TIP:  Save on petrol by pushing your car to your destination. Invaribly passers-by will think you`ve broken down and help.

~ HOUSEHOLD TIP:  Drill a one inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door closes.

~ HOUSEHOLD TIP:  Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names address of people you don`t know.

~INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT:  At work, put de-caf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks.  Once everyone has got over their caffiene addictions, switch to expresso.

~INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT:  Buy a television set exactly like your neighbour`s. Then annoy them by standing outside their window and changing their channel with your identical remote control.

~INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT:  When the money comes out of the cash point, scream `I won" "I won" "3rd time this week".

~PARKING TICKETS:  Avoid parking tickets by eaving your wipers turned to `fast wipe` whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

~ SAFETY TIP:  Never attempt to fasten your shoe laces in a revolving supermaket door.

~ TRAVELLING TIP:  When out driving always turn left. Then, should you become lost, you can find your way home by reversing the proceedure and always turning right.

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                                                    QUOTES

It is folly to tear one`s hair in sorrow, as if grief could be assuaged by baldness.

Cicero

Strong men can always afford to be gentle. Only the weak are intent on `giving as good as they get`.

Elbert Hubbard

God will not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas, but for scars.

Elbert Hubbard

Youth is the first victim of war; the first fruit of peace. It takes twenty more years of peace to make a man; it takes only twenty seconds of war to destroy him.

Baudouin 1 of Belgium

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P.S. This last quote I put in because I thought it is particularly relevant to the times we live in. Perhaps our Heads of State should take note.