Ambrose Bierce ( 1842- c. 1914 ), was a remarkable man: a veteran of the American Civil War, a writer, poet, journalist, and - most memorably - the creator of The Demon`s Dictionary . The caustic and cynical definitions of `The American Swift` survive the test of time, and still speak to his intended audience : `enlightened souls who prefer dry wines to sweet, sense to sentiment, wit to humour, and clean English to slang`. Shown below are some of the more pungent entries from The Demon`s Dictionary.
ACHIEVEMENT - The death of endeavour and the birth of disgust.
ACTUALLY - Perhaps; possibly.
ADORE - To venerate expectantly.
ARMOUR - The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
AUCTIONEER - A man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.
BAROMETER - An ingenious instrument that indicates what kind of weather we are having.
BORE - A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
COURT FOOL - The plaintiff.
COWARD - One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
DENTIST - A prestidigitator who, putting metal in your mouth, pulls coins out of your pocket.
ENVELOPE - The coffin of a document; the scabbard of a bill; the husk of a remittance; the bedgown of a love letter.
ERUDITION - Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
FAMOUS - Conspicuously miserable.
FIDELITY - A virtue peculiar to those that are about to be betrayed.
FOREFINGER - The finger commonly used in pointing out two malefactors.
FROG - A reptile with edible legs.
GHOST - The outward and visible sign of an inward fear.
HABIT - A shackle for the free.
HERMIT - A person whos vices and follies are not sociable.
HOPE - Desireand expectation rolled into one.
HOSPITALITY - The virtue that induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.
ILLUSTRIOUS - Suitably placed for the shafts of malice, envy and detraction.
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