ALL PURPOSE EXCUSE FORM

Here is the All Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out of the trouble you have got yourself into. Where there`s a multiple choice, pick the one that works best for your situation and just go with it.  You`ll be surprised how effective this form can be if you just let your instincts guide you!

 

Dear

a) Mum

b) Dad

c) love of my life

d) Assistant Principal

e) Local police Chief

Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am that your

a) car

b)  house

c)  pet

d) expresso maker

e)  left arm

was severely damaged by my

a)  infantile

b)  puerile

c)  inept

d)  comically brilliant but nonetheless sadistic

e)  woefully under appreciated

prank. How could I have known that the

a)  car

b)  jet ski

c)  large helium balloon

d)  rodent driven sledge

e)  Zamboni

I was riding in would go so far out of control ?  And whilst it is true that I should not have pointed it in the direction of your

a)  house,

b)  wife,

c) Cub Scout troop,

d)  1/16th sized replica of the Statue of Liberty, complete with light bulb in the torch,

you must understand that it was all meant in fun. The subsequent carnage that I caused is beyond my ability to

a) imagine,

b)  fathom,

c)  comprehend,

d)  appreciate,

e)  pay for,

and I must therefore humbly ask your forgiveness. I know that you are perfectly within your rights to

a)  hate me,

b)  sue me,

c)  spank me

d)  take my firstborn,

e)  gouge my eyes out with spoons and feed them to the fish in your koi pond,

but I must ask you to remember all the good times we`ve had, joshing around at

a)  school

b)  work

c)  church

d)  the bowling alley

e)  the municipal jail

and to remember that I am first and foremost your

a)  friend

b)  child

c)  sibling

d)  lease co-signer

e)  only possible match should you ever need a bone marrow transplant

I think that counts for more than one prank, especially one that

a)  was so stupid.

b)  was so silly.

c)  would have been funny if it worked.

d)  you would have done if you had thought of it first.

e)  I`m going to use it on someone else.

Sincerely,

Enter name here (or alias):