JOKES AND QUOTES

QUOTES

Now suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress...But I repeat myself.

Mark Twain

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Oscar Wilde

I am desperately trying to find out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Dave Edison

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.  She`s 97 today and we don`t know where the hell she is.

Ellen DeGeneris

Have you ever noticed ...anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac.

 

George Carlin

                                              

                                                       

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.

He asks the driver,"What`s up with the penguins in the back seat?"

The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what do do with them , but I haven`t had a clue."

The clerk ponders a bit then says,"You should take them to the zoo."

"Hey, that`s a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.

The next day the man in the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back of the car.

"Hey, they`re still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."

"Oh I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I`m taking them to the beach."