BAD NEWS AND CONFUSION

Today is a very mixed up sort of day. I should be happy as everything is going well in our lives.  We have our new grandchild to look forward to in July.  In August we are off to Canada for a fortnight and then on to Dorset a week after we return.  The house is being redecorated, I`m having a sabatical from working for a few months and of course we have Jake, our beautiful young Labrador !  So all in all, this year, for once, everything is going really well.

Yesterday afternoon I got a phone call from my Mother`s husband N.  The minute I heard his voice I knew it was bad news.  N said she has been in hospital for the past two weeks after feeling unwell at home.  We are not close and have no relationship with each other.  Though we did go over to Spain to visit two years ago to visit, the whole thing was very strained and sadly, I couldn`t wait to get home again.    Anyway, she is very ill now and has been diagnosed with stomach cancer, diabetes and an enlarged heart.  It doesn`t make life any easier for her as she speaks very little Spanish.  But N. is fluent having lived out there for over thirty years now so he at least can understand all that the doctor`s are saying.  Apparently though, despite the enormity of her problems the doctor`s are saying the cancer is very treatable and that the heart problem is very likely connected to the diabetes.

I am very worried for her and for N.  Despite our personal problems I care what happens to her and I lay awake most of the night trying to come to terms with the whole thing.  I always wondered what I might be like and how I would react when this day came.  I am talking here about a woman who is my mother but who abandoned me as a twelve year old without a backward glance and has played no part in my life, or my younger brother`s life or any of her four grandchildren`s lives either.   Now I don`t know what to think or what to feel.  It reminds me so much of the time when she left us and I thought for years that it was us, my brother`s and my fault.  Now I`m starting to feel the same way because she`s ill.  Should I have forced a reconciliation ?  Would it have made a difference.  I`m very confused at themoment.  I`m not usually like this, I don`t like to feel sorry for myself or talk about stuff this personal.  But I feel I have to, just this once.  Meanwhile I`d just like to ask you, my friends and readers to pray for my Mother. I would be very grateful for it if you would.  Bless you all.