Thank You One and All

Thank you, thank you, thank you one and all. I didn`t expect as many supportive and kind comments that I recieved for yesterday`s entry, it really gave me a boost. In fact I wondered if I`d come in for a bit of critism, you know, mothers and daughters have to love one another so it does make me sound a bit weird I suppose.

Also I must tell you that I haven`t always been what I call a natural mother myself. Having no role model, seeing as how I was brought up by my rather strict father, who it has to be said, did his best under really difficult circumstances. I loved dad and he loved my and my little brother, I know that but it wasn`t perfect by any means.  Anyway, when I first found out I was expecting Kerry, Jim was thrilled but I was, I`m afraid, mortified. By the way Kerry knows this so I`m not giving away a dark secret. What did I know about children and how could I love one ?   God, I was the most frightened I`d ever been in my life. When she was born she was the image of my mother which was a bit of a shock, but I fell in love with her straight away and just hoped and prayed that she would love me back.

No, motherhood didn`t come easily and I often wished there was a guide book that would help me along the way, however, I DID make a solemn promise to myself that my children would NOT be the victims of divorce and they would be safe from harm and loved deeply, no matter what life threw at me. I suppose being a reasonably good mother was only something that I`d spent time working at, like anything else, we all make mistakes occasionally.

My reward IS that my children have grown up safe and sound. They are bright, emotionally strong, well educated and both have good jobs. Kerry is happily married with my darling Roman who she loves without question. Daniel is, well Daniel and apart from the fact I wish he`d settle down he is doing well for himself.I can`t help but hope he will marry and have children one day but who knows. So life goes on, I`m a fully paid up member of the older generation and really I couldn`t be happier...apart from the arthritis of course....lol!

I will continue to take flowers to the crematorium because my mother wasn`t all bad, just not the type to settle down and have children. I wouldn`t be who I am today without the experiences that shaped me as a child. There are no more `ifs` and `buts` and the past is the past where I am happy to leave it.

This morning I decided to take Jake for a walk, something I haven`t done very much of lately, leaving it to Jim.  It was bitterly cold on the way out but walking back with the wind behind me in felt much warmer. Walking along the country roads the birds were singing and I could see magnolia trees in full bud, their saucer sized blooms almost ready to open in all their glory. Spring has always been my favourite time of the year with the prettiest flowers and new growth springing up everywhere, a time of rebirth....just heavenly.

I will be turning of alerts as I don`t want them building up while I`m away. I`m going to enjoy my few days with Kerry and hopefully a bit of relaxation....who am I kidding? Not with Roman I won`t be...lol! Anyway, thank you all again, I`m very grateful. See you in a few days. :o)