THURSDAY THOUGHTS

                  

Hello all you lovely journal people!   I`m here at last....   I`ve been busy catching up on emails and reading journals.  I really started to get behind with it all.  A very big apology to everybody who didn`t get a comment from me yesterday.  I read all the journals but didn`t leave many comments.... sorry, but I just wouldn`t have finished them all if I had.

I spoke to Danny yesterday and he wasn`t feeling too great after the accident.  he was hurt a little more than he thought and he had a swollen knee as well as the bump on his head.  The driver who hit him originally admitted liability and then changed his mind.  Now because of this Danny`s insurance won`t help him with a hire car.  He has to use public transport, 2 buses in fact, to get to work....he is not at all happy with the situation, but at least he is one piece.

Jim has starting laying the paving slabs today.  He has been working outside since this morning with just a couple of hours off at noon.  he is almost halfway there but he says the job is getting a bit more difficult now as the ground is not very even further along the garden and he will have to do a lot of cutting.  We went to the garden centre cafe for lunch and whilst we were there we bought a couple of half barrel flower tubs.  There are huge but we have wanted them for a while so we can plant the wisteria in one of them.  I bought the wisteria a while ago and I`m training it to be a standard.  I was looking on an Australian plant website and I printed off some details as how to do it.  So far, it`s coming along nicely as they do grow very quickly.  Hopefully I can put it at the front of the house in the spring as it will be much bigger by then.

Also on the way home I went into Kwik-Fit to get them to check my car exhaust.  I definitely need a new one and with my MOT due on 18th July I have to get it done now.  Being a French car (Renault)  it`s lot more expensive than a British car, and what annoys me even more is that my car is the new shape, brought out in 1998 in conjuction with the old shape that was in it`s final year of manufacture.  For the old shape the cost of the exhaust is £35 , for mine, made in the same year it`s £94!   How can they justify that ?

Kerry popped in on her way home from work, she only has tomorrow and then she is on maternity leave.  She can`t wait as she is so tired all the time when she is at work.  She only gets one half hour break all day and it`s not doing her any good at the moment.  Another thing is that she won`t have to drive anymore, she has Slava, me or Jim to take her anywhere once she`s not working.

I`m off now to play a bit of Bookworm.  Wish me luck as I`m not doing to well with it lately!  Have a lovely day, bye bye for now and take care :-)

 

CUTTING REMARKS

~  How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.  ~

G.A Rossini

~  When a opera star sings her head off, she usually improves her appearance.  ~

Victor Borge

~  Liberace is a pure art student gone camping.  ~

Peter Freedman

~  Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be deaf  ~

Oscar Wilde

~  Brass bands are all very well in their place - outdoors and several miles away.  ~

Sir Thomas Beecham

~  Once upon a time, rock music was sung by the young to disgust the old. Now, it seems, it is sung by the old to embarrass the young.  ~

Craig Brown

 

CARS, NEIGHBOURS AND PRINTERS

Hello everyone,

I thought I didn`t have much to say today but that all changed at lunchtime when I got a call from Danny who said he had just had a car accident.  He wasn`t hurt apart from a bump on his head.  His car however, is a write off and the accident was 50-50.  The other driver had a company car so it isn`t a problem for him, Danny`s insurance is third party only and his car is ancient so he won`t get a penny.  he now has to see his bank manager to see if they will give him a loan.  He won`t automatically qualify for a over the counter loan so I just hope he is successful, if not it`s public transport for him for a while!  I`ll call him later when he gets home from work to make sure he is ok,  I`m sure he is a little shocked regardless of what he told me.

I`ve had a few encounters with wasps the last couple of days.  I loathe them and it is the time of year for them now.  I try to kill as many as I can....nasty creatures!  Also we`ve had these very odd looking flying bugs that have been buzzing around the trees in the evenings.  They are very large and neither Jim nor I have seen them before.  They were around for about a week and now there`s no sign of them !

Just lately I`ve been watching Wimbledon as much as I can.  The matches are getting better now as the championships reach the end and I`m really looking forward to the last few matches.

Update on the neighbours from hell from next door.  Some of the comments left the other day were about their unsociable behaviour.  The thing I just can`t deal with is the house is their own property.  You would think that as the owners they would take a pride in it. I know isn`t isn`t though lack of money as they are always buying new cars. Eventually,  Jim and I and it are going to sell up and move, but it would be hard for us because any prospective buyer who would see the neighbours property before they got inside ours!  Oh well, maybe they will decide they want to move before us, who knows?

On TV last night I saw the US version of The Office, the hit comedy show which I really couldn`t stand.  I thought that I`d watch The Office: An American Workplace out of curiousity, and to my surprise I really thought it was funny.  One of the actors I recognised, though I don`t know his name, but he played Arthur in `Six Feet Under`, another excellent US series that we both watch.  I will definitely watch it next week though Jim doesn`t share my enthusiasm.

The printer is working now.  Jim re-installed the software and found that it wasn`t properly installed in the first place.  Now he has found much more printer stuff and it`s working perfectly, and that`s all I care about.  The CD player started working as I said yesterday, then it stopped and then started again.  At the moment it is going but I don`t know how much longer it will last.  Never mind it was only a cheap one and I`ve had more than my money`s worth out of it.

That`s it for now. I`m off to make something to eat and to read the journals.  Have a lovely day, all of you and take care :-)

 

WHY SAY IT TWICE ?

A.M. in the morning

Absolutely essential

Advance forward

Affluent rich

All inclusive

Always and forever

Bunny rabbit

Begin to proceed

Circulated around

Complete stop

Consenses of opinion

Combined together

 

 

 

THE GHOST OF MR SELLIS

Hello everyone, all is well with the world today.  My CD player is working again.  Nobody has touched my car since yesterday and I`m not cross!  I have a ghost story to tell, so here we go:

 

St. James`s Palace

GHOST:  Mr Sellis

PLACE:   St. James`s Palace, London, England

DATE:      Since 1810

Sellis was the valet of Ernest Augustus, the Duke of Cumberland and Teviotdale, and also the King of Hanover.  There are several accounts of Sellis` ghost haunting the rooms of St. James`s Palace.  The ghost is seen with blood pouring from a fatal wound to the throat and there have also been reports of shouting and the sounds of a struggle.

That Sellis had his throat cut is not in dispute;  however the events leading up to his demise are less clear.  The official inquest found that Sellis had committed suicide but there was a much circumstantial evidence to point him to be having been murdered by the Duke.  Firstly the razor which he had supposedly performed the act was found some distance from the bed in which he was found.  The Duke was also said to have seduced Sellis` wife or perhaps even his daughter.

The Duke told thew inquest that he was attacked as he lay asleep by an unknown assailant using a sabre. Furthermore he had the wounds to prove it.  He sais that he had called for help, and his other valet, Neale, had come to his aid and at this point his attacker ran off.   Neale called to Sellis for help and when he did not appear Neale discovered him lying in his bed with his throat cut.

  the Duke of Cumberland

There are several questions that come to mind.  If the Duke had been asleep surely the sabre attack would have been fatal?  Why did the inquest not find that the unknown attacker had also killed Sellis?  What happened to the attacker?  How did he escape from a palace full of people without anyone seeing anything?

A more rational explaination is that the Duke, probably awake, had been attacked by an outraged Sellis for seducing his daughter ( possibly raping her) and later, in an act of vengence, he had cut Sellis`s throat whilst he slept.  Despite evidence to the contrary, the official inquest returned a verdict which would reflect best on the Duke.  Maybe this had something to do with the fact that he was the son of King George IIIl !  The Duke was not a popular man, being known for his viciousness and arrogance, but after this outrage he was never able to go out in public without receiving people`s scorn.

 

 

 

AAAAAGGGHHH...I`M NOT HAPPY!

My poor car bonnet minus the makers badge!

Hello everyone....  I`m very cross today.   See photo above....my car has been vandalised.  Some horrible person has stolen the makers badge of of the bonnet.  To do this they have used a sharp object and have scratched the paintwork, see the white marks on the right.   This is the second time it has happened.  Last time I went to a Renault garage and bought a brand new badge but Jim says it would be cheaper this time to go to a scrapyard and get one there.  I wouldn`t mind so much but whoever did it came into the drive to do, they obviously weren`t `just passing` but came prepared.  I am not happy at all.

We were up early this morning as we were expected our patio slabs and sand to be delivered.  Jim moved my car outside to make it easier for the delivery man.  He then knocked at the house next door ( bonfire man) and asked if he wouldn`t mind moving his car so Jim could park in his space.  he agreed and while he went to get his keys Jim saw the inside of their house for the first time.  He was completely shocked.  He could see directly inside their kitchen which is the same shape as ours.  But he said the house was in a terrible state, rubbish everywhere, the kitchen cupboards had no doors on the and they had old garden equipment all over the place.  The hallway itself was full of dirty washing and old shoes.  He told me he hates to think what the rest of the house is like.  The one saving grace so far has been the arrival of the paving slabs.  No we have to cart them through the house....all seventy of them!

Also my printer that I`ve only had a few months isn`t working.  We `ve tried all the things we`re supposed to with no joy.  We did get it cheaply through the internet so it`s our fault for buying it I suppose, but it`s less than a year old so it shouldn`t have gone wrong yet.  It hasn`t been over-used....again I`m cross!

Yesterday because I had  Kerry, Slava and Danny over for dinner, Jake was in his element, he loves it when they are here and he hasn`t seen Slava for over a month and was overjoyed to see him.  Jake definetely has his favourites and Slava is one of them.  Jake got over-excited and after dinner, when they all went home, he sulked and went into the garden, and I should have known better.   I went upstairs to read the journals and left him outside.  I became engrossed and forgot all about him until I went down to make some coffee....and there he was, chewing the top of one of our solar garden lights.  Of course it was totally ruined, and he`s also decided to do a bit of pruning with one of the shrubs, AND he had found a tennis ball that had come over the fence.  The owners it wouldn`t want it back in the state I found it in!  Jake is just like a naughty child.  Whoever said that dogs don`t have the same emotions as humans hasn`t met our Jake!

That`s it for now folks.  It`s coffee time for me and I think I`ll go and play Bookworm for a while too.  Have a lovely day, Bye for now :-)

 

CAR ACRONYMS

AUDI

Accelerates Under Demonic Influence

BUICK

Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer

CHEVROLET

Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips

FORD

Fix Or Repair Daily

PORSCHE

Proof Only Rich Suckers Can Have Everything

 

PS.   NOW MY CD PLAYER HAS STOPPED WORKING!!!!!!! 

 

 

UNHOLY SMOKE!

I just love this graphic!

Hello journal people,  welcome to Sundays entry about.....um well, I`m not sure yet......let me think.......

We seem to be getting the sun back after a couple of days of grey skies.  Ir`s been really nice not being overheated but now I welcome the sun as long as it doesn`t get too hot..... no more than high 70`s, I can live with that.

I didn`t explain where I went on Friday for the day.  Actually we were visiting a family member in hospital.  She`s just had a major operation but has come through it well and should be going home soon.  The hospital is one of the nicest I have ever been to.  It was lovely and clean and MRSA free, which is great to know if you`ve just had an operation.  The ward sister asked us to wipe our hands with the alcohol gel provided.  We were pleased to be asked because that proves how much the staff care about their patients. I also noticed just how clean the entire hospital was, there was no smell of disinfectent but just a pleasant clean smell.

This morning I was ironing for over two hours, a job I detest, but has to be done regardless.  Whilst I was clearing everything away afterwards I could something burning.  I went quickly downstairs and found the kitchen full of black smoke.  I quickly realised that it was coming from outside and it wasn`t my kitchen on fire!  My neighbours, in their wisdom, had decided to burn some rubbish in the middle of the day.  Which isn`t even legal but that didn`t stop them.  I went outside and brought in some towels I had on the line, alongside  another neighbour who wasn`t too pleased with his washing smelling of smoke either.  I went back upstairs and watched out of the window to see them piling more rubbish onto the fire, there were old carpets, roofing felt, a couple of handbags and an old car tyre amonst other things, so for the next 30mins we were treated to the appalling fumes that were by now spreading for a fair distance.  I just hope no-one was having a Sunday BBQ or they would be most upset!  Now the air has cleared and I can see that everything that can burn has been burned I`ll put the towels back outside.  I`ll bet my lovely newly cleaned windows will be filthy now....grrrrrrrr

I`m cooking dinner for Kerry and Slava today but we won`t be eating until 6pm which gives me the day to myself.  We were to have been looking after our friends` German Shepherd pup Marshal, while they host a birthday party for their 5yr old son and 11 of his little friends, but he has hurt his leg and has to rest, which he wouldn`t do around Jake.  The two of them are great buddies and would be charging around the garden all afternoon, which wouldn`t do his leg any good, so he will have to stay with somebody who is dogless so he can rest.

I think I`ll go and get a coffee now and mabe do a little gardening,   so I`ll sign off today.  I hope you all have a nice relaxing Sunday.  Bye Bye for now and take care  ;-)

 

BLONDE ON BLONDES

   What is it when a blonde blows in another blondes ear?

Data transfer

  

How did the blonde burn her nose?

Bobbing for french fries

  

Why won`t they hire blondes as pharmacists?

They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters

  

Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?

You have to hollow out the head

 

 

A PRESENT FROM RUSSIA

Hello journal people...

   Today my son-in-law Slava got back from Russia.  Kerry picked him up from the airport late this afternoon.   She is so pleased he`s back after 5 weeks away.  He said though that his mum was really upset when he left St. Petersburg,  I really do feel for her as I couldn`t imagine either of my children living in another country.  The clock in the above photo was bought for us by Slava`s mum and dad, Nadia and Ivan.  Wasn`t that a lovely thing to do?

It`s much cooler here today after the rain we had yesterday.  It`s nice to be able to move around without melting AND having a good nights sleep for the first time in the last week.  I think it will warm up for Sunday and Monday before cooling down again for the rest of the week, at least that`s what they are saying will happen, who knows!

I had a huge falling out with Danny yesterday and I doubt I`ll see or hear from him for a few weeks at the very least.  It had been coming for a while now so I can`t say I was surprised by events.  Never mind, it will probably sort itself out....kids eh?!

Jim and I were pleased to recieve a cheque each through the post.  It was the dividends from some shares that we have...they were each for the grand sum of £4.37p, not bad when you consider last years was only 60p.   I hope by next year the market will have improved slightly...., though I doubt they will make us millionnaires, though I can live in hope!

Not much has really happened today.  It`s been fairly quiet all day so I don`t really have much more to add.  So I`ll leave you with more jokes, and to wish you all a very happy day, Bye for now :-)

 

BLONDE ON BLONDES

~~   A blonde had just wrecked her car in an horrific accident.  Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.

" My goodness!"  the trooper exclaimed "Your car looks like an accordian that was stomped on by an elephant.  Are you OK ma`am?"

"Yes, officer, I`m just fine"  the blonde chirped

"Well, how in the world did this happen?"  he asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.

"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me.  So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree!  I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree!  I swerved to the right and there was another tree!  I swerved to the left and there was........."

" Uh, ma`am,"  the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn`t a tree on this road for 30 miles.  That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."  ~~

 

~~   There is a brunette and 11 blondes hanging over the edge of a cliff on a piece of rope.  They realised the rope would break if one of them didn`t let go and they would all fall to their deaths.  The brunette starts a big heartwarming speech about how she is going to sacrifice herself for the others.  At the end of the speech all the blondes clap.  ~~ 

 

 

 

FRIDAY`S BITS`N`PIECES

  

Hello all you lovely journal people.....

At last...it`s here..... rain, very heavy, pouring rain,  Oh joy!  I could jump up and down with sheer delight, but I won`t as I`m typing this entry out...lol!  It started with a crashing of thunder, just as the school opposite was closing for the weekend.  The funniest thing happened too.  I was watching from the window as the heavens opened, and a huge cheer went up from the children and their mothers, just happy to be out and getting soaked.  I`ve never heard anyone cheer because it`s raining before and it really made me smile.

Last night Jim discovered that the dishwasher was working again.  All he did was press the start button and it did just that.  I`m really pleased and will be re-insuring it on Monday without fail.  I don`t know why it wouldn`t work and I don`t care, I`m just thankful to the powers that be that it is now working again.

This morning Jim and I went shopping, we were finishing off our holiday shopping.  Since he has lost weight, his clothes are much too big, and as he has no intention of putting it back on, he has bought nearly a whole new wardrobe.  He doesn`t usually spend much on himself but he didn`t really have a choice, he`s lost 28lbs/2 stone since Christmas just by changing his eating habits, not dieting.  He`s still losing weight slowly but he isn`t far from his target weight now.  All I bought were a couple of pairs of sandals , just very cheap ones, and a nicer pair for the evenings.  While we were in the town`s piazza we watched a couple of men playing pan pipes, they were South American Indians, and their music was lovely to listen to, very soothing.  I could have stayed longer just listening to them playing but Jim had to get home and get ready for work, he won`t get home till 11pm. He`s hoping he can get away at 9.30 though.

  Right.....As to Jim`s fishing day, I`d love to be able to tell you that he had a very productive day out...But I can`t because he didn`t.  Even at Lizard lake with it`s oxygenator, or whatever they call it, he only caughtfour fish all day.  The bailiff there was saying that the lack of rain is affecting all the lakes at the moment and the poor fish just aren`t interested in playing the angler`s game.  You know, the more I look at the fisherman graphic, the more I think it looks like Jim !

What do you think of the evil cat graphic....scary or what?!  That looks to me the kind of cat you always call "Sir", you never let the dog chase or it will soon chase it back.  As for giving it the cheapest brand of catfood, forget it, only fresh salmon or kingprawns will do.  What name would you give a cat like this ?

Well that`s it for Friday.  I`m going to finish this off and go downstairs and put something in the oven. I actually feel hungry now that its cooler.  I wonder what I`ll have ...decisions, decisions!  Anyway Journal friends, I hope you all have a lovely, relaxing weekend.  Bye for now and take care 

BLONDE ON BLONDES

~~   There were two blondes walking in the woods.  As they were walking one of them noticed some tracks on the ground.   One stops the other and says  " Look deer tracks."  The other says,  " Those are not deer tracks, they are bear tracks."  So they fight about what they are or are not, and the next day the newspaper headlines read  " Two blondes killed by train".  ~~

 

~~   A blonde, brunette and a redhead are running from the cops, they hide on a potato farm and they crawl into some potato sacks.  The first cop pokes the sack with the brunette in , she says "meow"  and the cop confirms it is just a cat.  The second cop pokes the sack with the redhead in ,  she says "woof" and the cop confirms it`s a dog.  The third cop pokes the sack with the blonde in and she says in her sweetest voice "Potato".  ~~

 

 

JUST TO SAY HELLO

Just a brief entry today as I`ll be going out for the day.   I hope you all have a lovely day and I`ll leave you with a couple of jokes.  Take care ;-)

 

BLONDE ON BLONDES

~~  A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals and proudly days,  " Go ahead, as me, I know them all."

A friend says, " OK, what`s the capital of Wisconsin?"

The blond replies, " That`s easy: W."  ~~

 

~~  Two bored casino workers were working at a craps table.  A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said,  " I hope you don`t mind but I feel much luckier when I`m completely nude."

With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,   "Mama needs new clothes!"

Then she hollered...  "YES!  YES! I WON! I WON!"  She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers.

She then picked up all the money and clothes and q1uickly departed.

The dealears just stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally , one of them asked,  "What did she roll?"

The other answered, " I don`t know I thought you were watching!"

Moral:  Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.   

 

 

FISH, FLOWERS AND CURTAINS

Hello journal people....is it really Wednesday already?  This week has really flown by, it must be the hot weather!

I went for my physio this morning and decided against walking as I was hot already.  I got there a bit early which was a good thing as I spent nearly 10mins trying to find a parking space.  A man driving a transit van almost reversed his vehicle into me.  I couldn`t move out of his way as there was a queue of people behind me, it was as though he couldn`t even see me there.  Helen, my physio has told me that to continue would only provide temporary relief so my next visit will be my last. In her opinion the nerve damage is very bad and she will put that in her report for the consultant.

Before I left for the hospital I noticed the lilies had flowered (above) and I thought you might like to see them and the sweet peas (below).

At last the garden is getting some summer colour.  I`m still waiting for the jasmine and summer clematis.  They were only planted last year and they`ve not flowered yet so I can`t wait to see what they are like.  The jamine I`ve grown quite near the house so we should get the scent of it in the kitchen.....mmmm....lovely!

This morning after I got home, I cleaned the windows and hung up the new net curtains that I bought a while ago but hadn`t got aound to putting up.  I`m glad I did, comparing the new ones with the old ones was unbelievable.  The old ones I`ve had for 10yrs and had seen better days, and the new ones are just so white that they put the old ones to shame..... I wonder if Jim will notice when he gets home.

  Jim of course is fishing today.  I was tempted to give him a call to see how he was doing for the purpose of this journal, you understand!  But decided not to bother him as he may be just about to land a monster...or is very depressed because he hasn`t had a bite allday ;-)  He has gone to a place called Lizard Lakes where they have an oxygenator, I think they call it, so that the fish stay healthy and can breathe better.   He is confident he will catch today......watch this space and I`ll let you know how he gets on.

I`ve had a very good response to my blonde jokes, so you will be pleased to know that I have found many more, some which are rubbish, some which are rude and unprintable!  But many that are just very funny, and those will be the ones you`ll will get.  I hope you enjoy them.   Take care and Bye Bye for now.:-)

 

BLONDE ON BLONDES

~  Two blondes are walking down the street.  One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down and picks it up.   She opens it,  looks in the mirror and says,  " Hmm, this person looks familiar."

The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"

So the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it`s me!"  ~

 

  

TUESDAY TALES

Hello journal people....welcome to a slightly cooler Tuesday.  It`s a little more comfortable I suppose after it being 90 degrees yesterday!

Well Jim DID manage to assemble the pram, or stroller, as they call them these days.  Kerry was there to learn how to fold the thing up and to fit the car seat on it.  The thing is covered with levers and buttons that do this and that.  It  has a temperature gauge, a drinks holder AND a sunglasses case fitted on the from.  WHY ?  It`s a pram for goodness sake...lol !  Anyway now we have even less space with all the baby things in our house.  I`ve told Kerry that some of the stuff will have to go to the flat soon as she needs to be prepared, though we will keep the bulk over here including the pram/stroller.

The main problems for me now are my joints.  They have become swollen and painful with the heat.  It always seems to affect my knee and finger joints....oh well, never mind, there`s nothing I can do about it, so no point in moaning.   Oh I have to go out with Jim now, I`ll be back later.............................................

I`m back now, 2 hours later.  We took Jake swimming in Black Park lake, we didn`t get there yesterday after all.  He had a great time and I felt like joining him, the water looked that inviting.  While we were over there we saw a film crew.  I recognised this scruffy looking young bloke with them.  I couldn`t place him though, but while Jim was talking to one of the crew that we were told it was Jim Threapleton, the former husband of Kate Winslet. He is directing a pilot film to show to the would-be sponsors, so if they like what they see they will produce the cash to back the film, due to be shot in September.  The girl we spoke to said they were waiting for nightfall before shooting today.  I think it`s a thriller, and will be scary from what she told us.  On the way back to the car we spotted a couple of muntjac deer and Jim had the camcorder with him and got some good footage of them foraging in the woods.

Tomorrow morning I have physio.  If it`s not too hot I will walk to the hospital because I begrudge the parking charges they have.  It`s not very far so it won`t do me any harm. I see the consultant on July1st, that should be interesting, as I need to know what`s going to be done or not.  Then I can deal with it one way or another. I do know that my hand is still very weak and will not get any stronger while the nerves in my elbow are like this....but can anymore be done ?  They practically guaranteed it would be very much better after the operation.....I`ll just wait and see.

That is it for today, just another joke for you. Bye for now and take care all of you :)

 

SECOND DEGREE OF BLONDE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.  She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and opens the door to find him in the arms of a redhead.    The blonde is really angry.  She opens her purse to take out the gun and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.  She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don`t do it!!!"

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you`re next!"

 

SUN, BBQ`S AND PRAMS

Hello journal friends.....it`s another sizzlin` day here.  Very hot, but not as hot as yesterday as there is a bit of a breeze and it makes life more comfortable.   I`ve been waiting in all day for Kerry`s pram to arrive.  It turned up 30mins ago, having come all the way from Milton Keynes .....  yes Sara...near to you!  I`ve just left Jim to assemble it, whatever happened to the days when you bought a pram, put the baby in and pushed it away?  Nowadays you need a degree in engineering to put it all together!

I spent most of yesterday trying to do nothing...well I did the ironing quite early in the morning because it had to be done but I wanted to get it over with before the heat  became unbearable.  I read some journals for a little while.  Then Jim and I took some flowers to Mortlake crematorium for his Dad.  We came home the long way through Richmond Park, where the deer looked at us with a total lack of interest, I suppose they don`t like it too hot either!  It was a nice ride home made even more enjoyable by the air-con in the car.  We later sat outside with the parasol up but found the heat to fierce to stay there for long, even Danny and his girlfriend couldn`t stay out side long either, so we all trouped inside to find a bit of cool.  The only place where it feels coolish is the tiles on the kitchen floor.  Me and Jake were the only ones who sat down there though, and he is always on the floor!

Kerry called in yesterday morning to wish Jim Happy Father`s day but forgot he was working.  She had to work herself and she said the heat is making life hard for her at the moment.  I`m sure all you ladies out there will sympathise with her.  Jim was sent home from work after a fuel spillage.  There was a problem with one of the pumps and gushed out all over him.  Health and Safety regulations say you have to shower immediately and change your clothes, so he had the shower and was sent home afterwards.  Last time it happened to him it sprayed in his face, thankfully it didn`t this time but that fuel is nasty stuff.

Last night we were invited to a BBQ and this time we accepted readily, saving us from any cooking.  We had a nice evening with a friends, having a few drinks and some good food in the shade of the garden.   We got home at 9.30 and as it was cooler and still light we took Jake for a walk in the back field where he happily chased rabbits until it was dark.  I gave him a drink of water and then we headed back home.  Jim and myself were tired from the heat of the day and Jakey from bunny chasing.  Hopefully in about 30 mins we will be taking him swimming in Black Park.  It`s the only decent exercise he`ll have while it`s so hot.

I`ll be off now,  Have a lovely day all of you and take care  :-)

 

JUST TRIVIA

~  Peanuts are one of the ingredients of gunpowder.  ~

~  Los Angeles full name is " El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Porciuncula".  ~

~  There are 336 dimples in a regulation golf ball.  ~

~  By raising your legs slowly and and lying on your back you can`t sink in quicksand.  One should carry a stout pole while travelling in quicksand country to be placed under one`s back, it helps one float out of the quicksand.  ~   ( What!  they must be joking of course.....wouldn`t it be easier to stay away from quicksand?......Sandra xxx)

~  Most lipstick contains fish scales......YUK!  ~

 

FIRST DEGREE OF BLONDE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2am.  The wife, who was blonde, picked up the phone and listened for a minute and said  " How should I know, it`s miles from here!"  and hung up.

The husband said, " Who was that?"  

The wife said, " I don`t know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

 

DISHWASHERS AND MIAMI WEATHER

 

Hello my lovely journal friends.......I wasn`t a very happy bunny first thing this morning.  I got up, had breakfast, fed Jake and went through all my cleaning rituals in the kitchen.  I loaded the dishwasher and the washing machine.  I just happened to look back to the dishwasher and saw it wasn`t working.  I checked the power and the light was on, no problem there.  Yesterday it worked fine, no funny noises or anything untoward.  I wasn`t too worried because I have insurance cover on my kitchen appliances...........or so I thought.  I checked the documents and found they ran out on May 12th this year!   I couldn`t believe it, just my luck.  The annoying thing is the company haven`t sent me a renewal form as they usually do, so guess who will be getting an irate phone call on Monday morning.  I will have to pay for the repair myself and I`m not happy at all!  I think it might be the ignition switch, not the motor so hopefully it won`t cost as much.

I was reading our local paper over breakfast and apparently the gypsies have been moved off the illegal site in Upton Park, leaving the council with a clean up bill of £12,000.  I didn`t know but the travellers go there every year if they can gain access,  much to the annoyance of residents whose gardens overlook the park. The main reason why people buy those properties is the stunning view of Windsor Castle in the distance.  Now, all they are overlooking are piles of all sorts of rubbish.

The graphic I have posted is what I would have loved to have done today. But it`s far too hot and humid for spending time in the garden.  According to the cheery radio weatherman, our temperature and humidity are the same as Miami.  The problem being that we are not in Miami.  If I were I`d be on holiday and sitting in the shade with a strawberry Daquiri ( I not sure of the spelling) to keep me cool ! A nice balmy, English summers day would do me fine.  I can`t even take Jake out, bless him, he really can`t stand the heat.  He has spent all morning in the shade of the magnolia tree.

I was going to take some garden photos to post here but what flowers I have are looking sad and limp, although they are being watered regularly.  I think it will take a couple of years for these new plants to look any good, but at the moment they just look rather sad under the merciless sun.

Jim and I have been invited to a 40th birthday party tonight, but I`ve decided not to go as none of my female friends are going and I wasn`t looking forward to it anyway.  Jim is now going with his mate Mark.  They are both working on early shift tomorrow so they will only stay until about 11pm.  I am perfectly happy to stay home, watch a little TV, and sit up here messing around with the PC, and eat half a tub of coffee icecream!

I`m now going to crawl away and melt very quietly while trying to read your journals!  Have a lovely day all of you and I hope it isn`t too uncomfortably hot where you are. Take care and bye bye for now :-)

 

MORE SILLY QUESTIONS

~  Are there any unguided missiles?  ~

~  Are you telling the truth if you lie in bed?  ~

~  What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?  ~

~  Do blind dogs have seeing eye humans?  ~

~   What colour do they put on the drivers licence of a bald man?  ~

~  What happens if you get scared half to death.......twice?  ~

~  What do batteries run on?  ~

~  Was the pole vault accidently discovered by a clumsy javelin thrower?  ~

 

 

 

FEELIN` HOT HOT HOT!

 PHEW!

Hello everyone..... it is HOT today.  Really, really hot. What is it with this country that we can`t have `proper` weather like everyone else.  A couple of days ago it was chilly and today it is really humid.  Sorry about the moan, just put it down to the British obsession with the weather.

I didn`t have time to post anything yesterday. I went to visit my friend B who has just had her car vandalised for the second time this year.  Whoever did it broke the locks on the car but luckily couldn`t get into it, but there are scratches all over the doors and that means resprayed panels, and the ignition key will need replacing too.  Luckily her insurers are very good and she got a hire car immediately while hers is being repaired.  Why do people have to behave like this?  She is very angry about this as it happened outside her place of work, but the CCT cameras were turned off so there is no way of finding out who did it.

I`ve been shopping and gardening today.  I planted the Japanese Acer in a nice sheltered spot, thanks Jeannette for the advice, it should do quite nicely there.  I planted some Dianthus right next to it and I placed a Oriental Lily over the otherside of the garden at the back away from the path, seeing as how they are toxic if eaten, and they cause skin irritation too, as  I have found to my cost.  I will be planting a Tom Thumb fuchsia where the old tree was growing.  They are very hardy and I hope that too will flourish.  Back to the shopping, I went to town with Kerry and as it got hotter so we slowed our pace around the shops, as I bought a few more clothes for the hols...roll on AUGUST 14TH and Canada.

This is where I may have a problem.  We go away on the 14th, but Kerry`s baby is due July 31st.  I`m really hoping that the baby comes before I go away, and that Kerryand Slava are home and coping with everything.  Kerry was a little anxious this morning, very understandable of course, but she told me that we have to go on this holiday regardless, and that she WILL manage.  I know she will but I am her mum.    I wonder, just for a bit of fun, who can guess the date the baby will be born.  Just leave your date in the comments section.  :-)

Jake has declared war on all flies and bluebottles. Because of the time of year they are everywhere and he is bounding around the house and garden like a gazelle, jaws snapping all the while.  It is so funny to watch and he never catches them but his reign of terror continues.

I have been asked to show photos of Jim`s wall and patio area.  Well I`ve been banned from doing that for a while.  He has put a temporary barrier up to stop Jake from lying on the newly laid turf.  He is going to order the new paving slabs and the weekend so I`ll bet he won`t let me take a photo until it`s all finished....sorry about that :-(

Now it`s time I went and read some journals.  Have a lovely weekend and take it easy!  Bye for now  :-)

 

SILLY QUESTIONS

~  A stitch in time saves nine what ?  ~

~  Sexual harrassment at work  -  is it a problem for the self-employed?  ~

~  Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say " Do Not Pass" ?  ~

~  What do people in China call their good plates ?  ~

~  Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?  ~

~  Could crop-circles be the work of a cereal killer ?  ~

 

SHOPPING AND STUFF

Hello everyone,  I`m late again today.  I nearly didn`t have time to post anything, though I`ve been good and read nearly all the journal alerts.  I woke up to steady rain this morning.  I`m not complaining because the ground is very dry and the reservoirs are low and the new turf in the garden needs rain water.  It didn`t last longer than early afternoon, so much for that. 

Jim and I went shopping today for new clothes for our holiday in Canada. We went to Matalan which is always a good bet for reasonably priced clothes. I got 2 pairs of cropped trousers, one crean, the other khaki, a pair of multi.colour linen shorts and a skirt. Jim just bought some new polo shirts, T-shirts and chinos.  We did well for the money and hstill have more to spend from our budget.  I don`t really need much so I`ll just concentrate on a few bits and pieces and make sure Jim gets all he needs too.  While we were out we went to B&Q`s garden section and Jim bought an oriental lily plant and I bought an japanese acer to plant in a large container at the front of the house.  The small tree we have had there hasn`t thrived and is now dying. I don`t remember what it`s called now but after three years it should have done more than had just half a dozen leaves in summer and two catkins in winter!  I had it in the right soil and in the correct place but to no avail...ho hum....goodbye tree!

Kerry was here this afternoon too. She is in her 34th week now and she is positively blooming.  She seems to be looking bigger every time I see her and she just looks so well.  Her hair and skin look lovely....which takes me back to the days when I was expecting and didn`t look blooming at all.  I just resembled a baby elephant after a good meal. My hair became greasy and my skin looked sallow.  I felt really well but looked terrible....where is the justice in that ?!

I`m in the middle of an excellent book, THE BAD MOTHERS HANDBOOK by KATE LONG.  It is about three Northern women, mother, daughter and nan, who all live in the same house.  It is a hilarious book, that has different emotions running through it and a must read for all women.  I highly recommend it to you, you won`t be disappionted.  The last book that I read THE LAST FAMILY IN ENGLAND by MATT HAIG was a really good story .  Like I said when first reading it, that it wasn`t going to be easy to read.  The narrator in the book was Prince, the family`s black labrador, who started the book by saying that this was the day he was going to die!  I really thought I would be in tears because it was going to be sad.  But it wasn`t sad, just a little strange, but funny reading. It was loosely based on Shakespeares Henry IV part 1, having the characters of Prince, Hotspur and Falstaff amongst others. I suppose this book wouldn`t appeal to everyone but I`m so glad that I`ve read it. 

That`s it for now. I must go as Jim will be asking me if I`m finished so`s he can check on his eBay sales!  Have a great day...what`s left of it.  Bye Bye :-)

 

~  Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who`ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness?  It means you`re in the wrong house.  ~

George Burns

~  Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.  ~

Spike Milligan

~  Eagles may soar high, but weasels don`t get sucked into jet engines.  ~

David Brent

~  Experience is the name everyone gives their mistakes.  ~

Oscar Wilde

~  Even if you are on the right track, you`ll get run over if you just sit there.  ~

Will Rogers

 

NO FISHIN` !

Hello everyone, 

Jim returned home last night from his fishing trip at 9pm, so I thought he must have had a good day......Oh no he didn`t.  Not even slightly good....more like TERRIBLE!

The only fish he caught was about 3 inches long and not worth the bother of landing. He said is is worried about the lake itself.  He says the water level is too low and there were dead fish floating on the surface which is always a bad sign, apparently.  He said it`s a sign of low oxygen in the water.  Some lakes , he went on, have generators that pump oxygen into the water, keeping the fish more alert and healthy. Also the sight of dead fish will keep anglers away from that particular lake,

In the photo above, the is a carp swimming right by the place that Jim fishes from, and that was the nearest he got to one all day.  Next time he goes fishing, he will definitely be going somewhere else!

This morning when I was sweeping the kitchen floor I felt something sharp in my foot. I`d trodden on a tiny piece of glass that had got into my slipper. I then removed it gingerly, being careful not to push it in any further.   Yesterday I broke a bottle of wine all over the kitchen floor.  I thought I`d got all of the glass up but obviously not. I must add that I don`t drink wine for breakfast.  It`s just that I keep the wine rack in the kitchen!

Today we walked Jake to the back field where we met a woman walking her dog.  She had her arm in a sling and it turned out that she has just had the same operation as me.  She asked me how long it took me to get back to normal and I said it would be a little while yet.  I hadn`t the heart to tell her that it hadn`t worked.  Later we went to lunch at the garden centre cafe. This time we took Kerry with us as she has a few days off work.  After lunch we went to see Jim`s Mum at the nursing home. kerry was quite shocked at how she has worsened since she last saw her a couple of months ago. It is quite sad that she doesn`t recognise any of us anymore.  We can only visit her and talk to her and see that she is well, nothing more.  After that, we went to see Jim`s sister who was overjoyed to see how Kerry has expanded!  We stayed for a couple of hours then came home to a meal of fresh fish, caught by Jim`s fair hand on the sea trip last week.  Needless to say, it was delicious!

I have to go now and finish off reading the journals. But before I go was anyone else surprised at yesterday`s VERDICT ?  Have a lovely day, Bye for now. :-)

 

~  Don`t keep a man guessing to long - he`s sure to find the answer somewhere else.  ~

Mae West

~  Don`t think of death as an ending.  Think of it as a really effective way on cutting down your expenses.  ~

Woody Allen

~  Don`t worry, being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep.  In a giant blender.  ~

Homer Simpson

~  Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.  ~

Charles D. Warner

~  Epitaph for a dead waiter  -  God finally caught his eye.  ~

George S. Kaufman

~  Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.  ~

Will Rogers

Eternity is a long time, especially near the end.  ~

Woody Allen

 

 

 

JUST OBSERVING

Hello everyone, Happy Monday to you all. I hope you`ve all had a great weekend. I know quite a lot of you have by reading your journals. Now I`m sitting here thinking of something interesting to say. I do have to mention that the best entry I`ve read today is my friend Jeannette`s. Go and have a read, if you haven`t already, it is compelling reading.

We will now have to find another place for Jake to have his daily run.  The back field, as I`ve mentioned before is being sold to developers for housing. Now we find that the council is trying to sell part of Upton Park for the same reason. That is the place where I have photographed Windsor Castle in the distance.  The other houses that back on to the proposed development are furious at the suggestion. .Sadly, this council will not be satisfied until all our beautiful open spaces are covered by tarmac, or bricks and mortar.

Also Upton Park is now the illegal home to gypsies who moved in last weekend. It is now not really safe to go there. The last time we walked there we were harassed by a couple of young lads who kept on riding their motorbikes directly at us then turning away at the last moment. So that was that...we`ll stay away for now.

Jim is fishing again today. Lake fishing at Royal Berks. He took me over there last week just to show me round. It`s a very pretty place that is home to lots of water birds. I gave him the camera with instructions to take lot`s of pictures for my journal.  As it`s been a sunny day I`m hoping he`ll get some nice ones.  I hope also he catches lots of  big fish , not that we can eat them, but he always tries to land the bigger fish these days.  I remember in his early days of fishing he was happy to catch anything.

Now Jim has put the new lawn turf down it has become my job to keep it watered. He is so worried that it won`t grow if it gets dry,  At the moment I`m watering it twice daily.  I have a large water-butt in the garden that is rapidly running out of water now. Where we are re-shaping our garden Jim has made some space for a couple of shrubs.  I want shrubs that flower and do well in full sun....so if you have any suggestions , leave it in the comments section :-)  I was looking at other people`s garden today while out with Jake. Some of them are wonderful, with well manicured lawns and beautiful flowers and shrubs,   while others don`t really seem to care one way or another,  leaving their gardens to nature, not cutting the grass and letting the weeds grow wild. I`ve lived here for many years and have seen people move away from their homes for whatever reason,  and leave their beautiful gardens in the hands of  the " couldn`t care lesses" of this world. Perhaps things like this shoudn`t really matter, but they do to me...I just hate neglected gardens.

That`s my moan of the day! With that I`ll leave you with some funny quotes that I found. Bye for now and have a lovely day :-)

 

~  You tried your best and you failed miserably.  The lesson is `never try`.  ~

Homer Simpson

~  Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.  ~

Mae West

~  Is sex dirty ?  Only if it`s done right.  ~

Woody Allen

~  I was married by a judge - I should have asked for a jury.  ~

George Burns

~  Never give a sucker an even break.  ~

W.C. Fields

~  Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning.  ~

George W. Bush

~  Children really brighten up a household  -  they never turn the lights off.  ~

Ralph Bus

~  Clothes make the man.  Naked people have little or no influence on society. ~

Mark Twain

 

THE EILEAN MOR LIGHTHOUSE MYSTERY

The Eilean Mor Lighthouse, Outer Hebrides, Scotland

Thomas Marshall was the head lighthouse-keeper of the Eilean Mor Lighthouse of the west coast of Scotland on December 15th 1900, when the lighthouse was just one year old.  His two crew members were James Ducat and Thomas McArthur. It was a very lonely life, as the men were completely isolated for months at a time on the rocky outcrop.  

One day the light ceased to shine for several days, and the local community, who were very worried for the crew, decided to send out a boat to see what was wrong. On the 26th December a boat set out for the rock.  But on arriving instead of their usual welcome they were met with no sign of life.  They searched the whole of the island including the lighthouse but nothing could be found of the men.  Everything was just as it should be apart from an unusual piece of seaweed that no-one had seen before.

They left with the lighthouse log and went back to the mainland. At the inquiry into the disappearance of the three men, the last few entries from the log were read out to the court. They read:

12th December:  ` Gale north by northwest.  Sea lashed to fury. Never seen such a storm. Waves very high. Tearing at lighthouse. Everything shipshape. James Ducat irritable.`

Later:  ` Storm still raging, wind steady. Stormbound. Cannot go out. Ship passing sounding foghorn. Could see lights of cabins. Ducat quiet. Donald McArthur crying.`

12th December:  ` Storm continued through night. Wind shifted west by north. Ducat quiet. McArthur praying.`

Later:  `Noon, grey daylight. Me, Ducat and McArthur prayed.`

14th December:   No entry in log.

15th December:  ` Storm ended, sea calm. God is over all.`

What had the men been so afraid of?  Whatever it was it seems that at the first opportunity they had abandoned their post and set off in the lighthouse`s boat.  The storm must have been exceptional because they were experienced men who were used to very rough seas.  There was something very unusual about this storm because on the nearby island of Lewis, less than 20 miles away, there hadn`t been a storm. Then there was the last entry  --- ` God is over all.` What did it mean ? 

The mystery is deepened by another piece of evidence that was submitted to the inquiry.  On the night of 15th December, two sailors on a ship passing near the lighthouse had been wondering why it was in darkness, when they spotted a boat being rowed by three men dressed in their heavy weather clothing.  It was a moonlit night and they watched as the boat passed under their bow.  They called out to the men, thinking them in difficulty, but there was no reply. The only sound was the sound of their rowlocks as they set about their urgent mission.

Where were they heading..............and why?